Taxfunnies

MY TAX GUY STEVE

50 FUNNY TAX QUOTES

TAX FUNNIES

1. The only difference between a taxman and a
taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

-- Mark Twain

2. The most important ways in which I think the Internet
will affect the big issue is that it will make it more
difficult for government to collect taxes.

-- Milton Friedman

3. Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red
flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For
example, say you have some money left in your bank
account after paying taxes. That's a red flag.

-- Jay Leno

4. It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather
up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up
that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.

-- Dave Barry

5. There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay
for what he does not want merely because you think it
would be good for him.

-- Robert A. Heinlein

6. I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States.
The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the
money.

-- Arthur Godfrey

7. Unquestionably, there is progress. The average
American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he
formerly got in wages.

-- H. L. Mencken

8. [On completing tax returns].This is too difficult for a
mathematician. It takes a philosopher

-- Albert Einstein

9. The point to remember is that what the government
gives it must first take away.

-- John S. Coleman

10. Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction
being written today.

-- Herman Wouk

11. America is a land of taxation that was founded to
avoid taxation.

-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter

12. Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a
sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will
pay.

-- Milton Friedman

13. The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit
that carries any reward.

-- John Maynard Keynes

14. There is no such thing as a good tax.

-- Winston Churchill

15. The income tax has made more liars out of the
American people than golf has.

-- Will Rogers

16. When there is an income tax, the just man will pay
more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.

-- Plato

17. The hardest thing in the world to understand is the
income tax.

-- Albert Einstein

18. To force a man to pay for the violation of his own
liberty is indeed an addition of insult to injury.

-- Benjamin Tucker

19. The difference between death and taxes is death
doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

-- Will Rogers

20. The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the
federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil
service examination.

-- Ronald Reagan

21. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at
tax collectors... and miss.

-- Robert A. Heinlein

22. We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into
prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to
lift himself up by the handle.

-- Winston Churchill

23. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his
fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your
money.

-- G. Gordon Liddy

24. The income tax created more criminals than any
other single act of government.

-- Barry Goldwater

25. Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is
legalized robbery.

-- Calvin Coolidge

26. There's nothing wrong with the younger generation
that becoming taxpayers won't cure.

-- Dan Bennett

27. There may be liberty and justice for all, but there
are tax breaks only for some.

-- Martin A. Sullivan

28. Taxes grow without rain.

-- Jewish Proverb

29. The same prudence which in private life would forbid
our paying our own money for unexplained projects, forbids
it in the dispensation of the public monies.

-- Thomas Jefferson

30. The principle involved here is time-honored and true:
and that is it's your money.

-- Robert Dole

31. The purpose of a tax cut is to leave more money
where it belongs: in the hands of the working men and
working women who earned it in the first place.

-- Robert Dole

32. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his
fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your
money.

-- G. Gordon Liddy

33. Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins
with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!’

-- Rob Knauerhase

34. I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the
mathematically challenged.

-- Roger Jones

35. The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose
as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the
least amount of hissing.

-- Jean-Baptiste Colbert

36. It would be a hard government that should tax its
people one-tenth part of their income.

-- Benjamin Franklin

37. I like to pay taxes. It is purchasing civilization.

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

38. We don't have a trillion-dollar debt because we
haven't taxed enough; we have a trillion-dollar debt
because we spend too much.

-- Ronald Reagan

39. Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.

-- Howard Aiken

40. The only thing that hurts more than paying an income
tax is not having to pay an income tax.

-- Lord Thomas Robert Dewar

41. In levying taxes and in shearing sheep it is well to
stop when you get down to the skin.

-- Austin O'Malley

42. The difference between tax avoidance and tax
evasion is the thickness of a prison wall.

-- Denis Healey

43. I wouldn't mind paying taxes… if I knew they were
going to a friendly country.

-- Dick Gregory

44. If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without
representation was bad, he should see how it is with
representation.

-- Rush Limbaugh

45. Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite as
satisfying as an income tax refund.

-- F. J. Raymond

46. Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair
that some men should be happier than others.

-- Oscar Wilde

47. If you make any money, the government shoves you in
the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all
that don't get wet you can keep.

-- Will Rogers

48. When there's a single thief, it's robbery. When
there are a thousand thieves, it's taxation.

-- Vanya Cohen

49. Taxation with representation ain't so hot either.

-- Gerald Barzan

50. Taxes, after all, are dues that we pay for the
privileges of membership in an organized society.

-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

NOT MY TAX GUY
STEVE...BUT THIS GUY
LOOKS SMART TOO

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Steve Brigati
Notary Public
Military Tax and
Family Specialist